The Should’s and the Should Not’s

I was once a very depressed young person.

I was suicidal. I had to learn to love myself. And now that I have, many find me selfish. Maybe I am, and although some decisions I will be making soon will mean the ending of friendships . . .it must be.

What I want to express is that despite judgments on decisions I will be making or have already made. This is my life and I did not enter this world to do what other people think I should. I will do what I must to keep my soul whole and protect the me I’ve become.

Many will not understand and consider me cruel, selfish and wrong.

It is what it is. I am not these things. I am giving, loving and spent more than 30 years giving myself away to please others. Many of you did not know me then, many of you were not born then, and most of you have not gone through my journey.Until you have, and you never will, you will not understand my path. It must be my path. I bid you farewell, those who cannot see or recognize the good I’ve done, I will do and will always do. For my decisions will make many of you feel my choices shun all the good I may have done or will do and have yet to do.Nevertheless, to do what others suggest, or believe I should, would end me. It just would. Doing what others thought I should nearly ended me in my teens, again in my thirties and twice in my forties. Only when I chose to nurture me, follow my own soul, recognize my own music and follow my bliss did I survive and thrive at a soul level.

To do what others say you should, or have to, is not life at all.

Even if it looks “right” in the eyes of the world. It kills your soul to deny your bliss. To deny your bliss just deadens your soul. Be it one year or two years, it is the walking dead. I will not be a walking dead person again. I must follow my bliss, not your list of should’s.

 I do not believe as you do.

And you will see, or you won’t. I will live my life by my own convictions, my own choice and in my way. Or if not, then, I will leave as it is the only way. To live by your rules, your should’s is the death of my soul, anyway. Without my soul, my passion, then I do not exist, at all. And the body that encases this soul full of passion will have to move away and allow that soul to fly free . . . to be in the bliss of the air, the freedom and not encumbered in your plan to seal it under your shoulds.

~ Angela Theresa Egic aka Angela Theresa Collins

Actor, Author, Playwright, Screenwriter, Singer, Psychic, Medium, Photographer and Me!