Definition Of A Stalker
or Exposing My Stalker
by Angela Theresa Egic
At age 10, I was cast as ‘Helen Keller’ in a classroom production of The Miracle Worker; mind you, without an audition– The director, Lisa Lee, a classmate, thought I looked like the real Helen Keller – so now, almost forty years into my theatrical life. What I have learned, in recent years [i.e. the last thirty] – over fifty stage productions to my credit – this business called theatre does attract some real crazies.
Sure, I admit to my foibles, flaws and a touch of narcissism – most actors have that, alongside symptoms of MPD [Multiple Personality Disorder], too many OCD’s (Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder), Tourette Syndrome. Unfortunately, a true sociopath comes along once in a while!
Back in the 1990’s I heard a story about one such psychotic male actor. An actor – by all outward appearances, was a somewhat normal guy [for an actor]; he fell in love or lust for a young actress, in a top acting class, at a popular New York school they both, separately, had auditioned for and been accepted into [this class]. This actor asked the young actress out on a date. She politely turned him down. All seemed well as they worked together as scene partners. After awhile, the actor began to pester the young actress to go on a date with him. She asked him to stop bothering her about it . . . numerous times . . . until finally, she had to be very firm. The actor did not return to class for weeks. One fateful day, as the young actress entered the classroom, an envelope was waiting for her, and she was told it was left … by the actor. Inside the envelope she found a marriage license — for her and the actor! The sociopath actor had gone to the courthouse, applied for a marriage license and forged the young actresses’ signature!!!
She called the police and had to place a restraining order on him.
What is it with people? Why do certain groups attract certain people?
In my case, I have attracted them in theatre and mostly, via my admiration for a certain celebrity.
I’ll begin with the fans; although, my goal is to share my most recent situation – a theatre stalker.
It sort of goes hand in hand . . .
As a long-time fan of Tim Curry, my relationship with his fans has been, most of the time, like living in a mental ward of disorders. I’ve met obsessive, compulsive, manic and delusional fans.
DISCLAIMER: I have also met some of my best friends directly through my love, lust and admiration for TC.
Am I one of those mentally disturbed fans, too? Certainly I was, and still am, rather obsessive, yes [about a lot of things and people: Tim Curry, Alan Rickman, Broadway Musicals (especially “Wicked”), clean bathrooms (have a phobia of public bathrooms that are not pristine) and NYC] . . . although, I am not any more obsessed with Tim Curry (TC) than 100s of other TC fans I’ve met.
In fact, let’s get real, some of them far more bizarre than I could ever be!
Since my obsession began, in 1983, I have been lied to, lied about, accused, followed and stalked by TC fans, themselves. What was always funny [odd] to me was the fans who accuse me most of being a stalker are the ones stalking me! When I point out the fact they are stalking . . . bullying . . . and attacking me, they; like all people who victimize others, try to convince me how they are justified in their mistreatment of me; victimizing me once again.
First, let me say, if I’m stalking Tim Curry…I am the laziest one ever! I live 3000 miles from where TC lives . . .have missed seeing him dozens of times [when we were in the same city], have never been to his home, nor dug through his garbage [that was a completely different fan – definitely NOT me].
I have a germ phobia, thus, dumpster diving or even keeping, touching or saving used garbage [even if it was TCs], is out of the question for me!
I once lived only three hours away (from NYC), when TC was doing, Spamalot, on Broadway. On a one-day visit to NYC, I actually turned down a ticket to see the show because, a) I was with friends, in NYC, and there was only one ticket available, and b) I didn’t want to see him at that time. TC was one block away from me, and I did not even attempt to see him! How is that stalking?
If someone told me, this minute, TC was down the block from me, I would not go see him. You see, I’m here, at home, with no make-up on, and need a shower, a weight loss of about 50 lbs [if I had my preference] and my eyebrows waxed. I have absolutely nothing to wear today, and don’t feel like taking a shower or putting on make-up.
Thus, at best, I am a lazy stalker. I just don’t want to have to go out of my way to find him, see him or whatever. Now, if Tim Curry wanted to call me, I’d be happy to chat on the phone. That said, if I don’t recognize a number, I would never answer! So, probably wouldn’t even chat with him, unless he left a voice-mail and said who it was.
Thus, before accusing me of stalking, you need to check your facts – and laws – about what exactly stalking is.
A stalker will:
1) Continue to contact a person who has told the stalker to STOP [contacting] the victim.
FACT: Tim Curry has NEVER told me to stop being his fan . . . buying tickets to his shows . . . writing him the occasional letter . . . seeing him when I do.
In fact, has always been accepting and seems to enjoy seeing me!
2) Puts forward false and negative words toward the victim, often falsely attributing acts and words to the person they are stalking.
FACT: This is called SLANDER.
FACT: The words I attribute to TC are positive, funny and do not hurt or slander him.
3) Bullies the victim they’ve chosen to stalk.
You are a stalker:
When a person [themselves—not his or her fans] tells you NO or LEAVE ME ALONE, and you feel the person “doesn’t mean it” or you decide to “do it anyway”. It is a crime and makes you a stalker!
If you are sending email and letters telling your victim, “You’re worthless . . lazy . . .ugly . . .a stalker . . . dangerous . . . a threat [to TC] or others . . . undeserving” – particularly, when this person 1) does not contact you, 2) has never done anything, at all, to you and 3) doesn’t bother you . . . makes YOU a STALKER and a BULLY!
If you CLAIM to have been told by the person [them self] that they “hate” or have a “problem” with a said fan [me]. I am sure putting words into someone’s mouth would upset the person. It is also hearsay.
Someone (a so-called fan) did have the nerve to tell another fan – not me, mind you – that Tim Curry told her that he “hates” me and that I am to “be avoided” and I am “dangerous”.
>> First off all: If it were true [that TC felt that way about me, or anyone]. The person who made him feel that way would have been arrested whenever near him.
>> Despite rumors about me. I have never been arrested nor served a restraining order, or any other legal document from legal representatives, police officers nor Tim Curry or about Tim Curry. None.
>> If you care to check it out. All things, such as restraining orders, court appearances and arrests are public domain. As long as you know someone’s full legal name you can, with the right inquiry, do background check and find all records of public domain. It costs about $25 to $100 on places such as http://www.spokeo.com and other background check websites.
>> I say this because 1) I have nothing to hide, 2) my record [at least, regarding TC and stalking] is completely clean because I DON’T DO THAT!
You are a stalker:
If you go public on your Facebook wall . . . send emails [see above] . . . comment on websites (i.e. YouTube, WordPress) and telling the victim how terrible you, in your opinion and insight, feel this person is; making yourself the security guard, police officer for some celebrity you do not know personally and/or the therapist of the person you are bullying.
Yet, you do not hold a degree; and if you do, you are NOT treating me.
It is not you job!
FACT: This is also a hate crime!
As for me and what I do:
TC has no Facebook account – no matter how convincing you think someone is with so-called facts about him.
Stalkers are negative and also say negative things – being a fan who may or may not be obsessed is not the same as being a stalker.
Remember, a stalker is a criminal – he or she does NEGATIVE things to possess or own someone, control the other person.
What this article was sparked by is, recently:
I have a bully and stalker – it is one person who I met through theatre – and recently [January 2012] ended the friendship because he posted negative things, and gave out personal info about my life on Facebook . . . with my full name attached!
I have been slandered, victimized, attacked and accused of things I have never done, a) vilified for living my life in a way I choose, b) continually being contacted by him [my stalker/bully] when 1) he asked me to cease contact with him [after I had told him off in a few private emails] and 2) I had stopped contacting him after he asked me not to.
From the end of January 2012 until about the end of April 2012 . . . I had not responded to his incessant, harassing and bullying emails. I have blocked him from several email accounts and then, in a month or two, he creates a new account (with a fake name) and contacts me again – with some negative response to something I posted on Facebook!
Yes, he is blocked on my Facebook . . . yet, somehow, via a fake name and Facebook account, is continuing to read my status updates, etc. And no, I won’t go private or change my Facebook accounts! It is unfair.
I should not have to hide from some fool; who has too much time on his hands and feels a need to harass me or verbally attack me about my life and my choices.
I unfriended and blocked him because my life so offends him. So, why does he need, or want to keep in touch with me. It makes no logical sense.
And there’s my point. There are mentally ill people out there. Unfortunately, because I spent five-minutes to be kind to him – when he was Stage Manager of a play I was cast in [once again, without an audition]. He took my good manners to mean we were close friends. We weren’t. I never felt any sort a rapport with this guy – let’s call him PT – he is, admittedly, very weird and cruel. He is not that type of guy who should use that sort of humor — sarcasm. At least, not the type he uses. Cruel, vicious verbal attacks on people . . . for things like begin fat, short or not as educated.
Don’t get me wrong, I love a good wit. I can throw out the sarcasm along with the best of them. Nevertheless, I won’t put down a person about weight, or a flaw they cannot help. Unless they attack me first.
Yet, this guy – PT – would, publicly, on my Facebook wall, say that I was fat and lazy. Yes, it’s true I am fat. Lazy, no. And yet, he was claiming to be a friend. He became offended when I wouldn’t take jobs such as caring for an elderly man in another state! A job I do not qualify for – bad back, bad knees (that’s me) – and PT thinks I should just commute four days per week on a bus; be ready to lift, walk and give injections, change bed pans, etc. for an elderly man because he gave me the lead!
PT never bothered to ask for my office resume. The one that shows my twenty-years of being an Administrative Assistant and Legal Secretary, light Bookkeeper for financial companies, CEO’s and high-class lawyers! I’m no LPN or home care giver!
There’s an old saying: Until you have walked a mile in my shoes, do not judge me.
To ask for help – especially in a social network – in a way where you are willing to trade; i.e. I will give you a free reading for help with my rent. That is not PANHANDLING. That is NOT be lazy.
>> Yes, many people have some sense of pride, that it lowers them to ask for help when needed. I know people who have not asked for help. I have nice memories of those people when I visit their graves, too. For years, I ignored pain (as a teen and young adult) associated with my abdomen, because “no one likes a complainer”. And guess what? I nearly died at the age of 20-years-old because my ovarian cyst (of which I was unaware of having) ruptured and shot poison throughout my organs.
I learned then and there – if you need help ask.
Other times, when I tell people about the years I was homeless, ask me, “Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve helped you.”
Friends get angry when they find out you didn’t reach out and ask for help. People want to help. At least, real friends do. I feel the same way. Ask! Even if, at the time, I cannot help you – I will 1) try to find you help, 2) help when and where I can and 3) encourage you through the hard times (giving what I can in that sense).
If you don’t ask, I don’t always know. They pride goeth before a fall! And I have seen, first-hand, pride kill people. Yes, kill them. To not complain (or tell/ask someone) about pain for months or years, strange menstrual cycles or difficulties living in safe places – or the money to visit a doctor, pay rent or electric or get medication – can kill you.
Of course, do not start sending me notes about what I can give you. I am still living paycheck to paycheck and haven’t quite got my first million yet. When I do . . . we’ll chat!
And as for my stalker/bully – When I started my job, about five weeks ago, I saw his Facebook page [via my contacts] and he had SHARED my status from my Facebook page and posted, about me now working fulltime, “I don’t believe it!”
>> Good! I told PT to stay out of my life. So far, since then, he has . . .
Which reminds me:
You’re a stalker if:
You turn a person’s words around and make it about them. It’s downright psychotic!
>> When I did respond to PT: I stated that I wished he’d just “go away” and frustrated at his continual abuse of me in email, I said: “I hope you die.” He turned that into me “threatening to kill” him! Which I did not, in any way, say; I said “I wish you were dead.” And wishing him to die is not threatening to make it happen.
>> First, I don’t want to jail for his ugly ass.
>> I am not a criminal in any way.
I may be a bitch and a lot of other dirty names. I am not a criminal, a stalker, a killer nor as crazy as many like to say. I’m angry, at times . . . I’m frustrated, at times . . . I’m independent, all the time . . . I can be cruel and cold, when pushed and it is needed. And only to those who treat me badly.
Let’s get the facts:
- No, it wasn’t nice to say – yet, I do not take it back. I do wish he’d go away forever; at least, from my life. And from his history with me in these past few months, the only way – he’d have to be dead.
- I did NOT say I wanted any part of his death. I just hope it happens. Sometimes with crazy stalkers you have to be blunt and very, very cruel. That seems the only time they actually “hear” your words, I find.
- I told him, several hundred times, “leave me alone” and he doesn’t. So, obviously, he ignores those clear words I have to be blunt.
- To “hope” someone dies [i.e. I wish all the terrorists would die – without taking any of us – too, I might add] is not saying you want any part of their death. I did not say murder, or by my hand or even that it has to be violent.
- In fact, again, my hope, really, is to NEVER HEAR FROM HIM OR ABOUT HIM AGAIN. I do not need to know if he is alive or dead. Prosperous or poor. Good or bad. I just want him gone – from my email, my life in every way, forever.
In the final analysis, and facts about me:
I am a great friend to have.
I feel the homeless who sing, write poetry or offer to do something for your change are NOT panhandling. They are exchanging talents for pay; and if someone would pay them for it, they’d do it in better clothing or atmosphere.
If you make me an enemy, the worst that can happen: I feel nothing for you and if you bother me, I will say cruel things.
I adore Tim Curry and would not hurt him in any way. In fact, I admire him greatly, and if he said to me – himself – to go away, I would [go away] with no anger; only hurt. I’d cry and move on with my life.
I am not lazy. I work very hard. [Right now, three jobs!]
In the final thought, regarding PT – the one who stalks/bully’s me: