First, never ever say to a fat person, at least not any fat females: “You just have big bones!”
First of all, I do NOT have big bones. I have average bones with fat on them. There are three types of bone sizes: small, medium (average) and big (http://www.myfooddiary.com/Resources/frame_size_calculator.asp). I am medium-boned. I did the measuring thing, six times. My bones are medium/average. Probably the only thing average about me, too!
Second of all, it’s rude, no matter how you mean it! Especially for you, guys. When you tell a woman that we’re fine because we have big bones, it’s sort of like us saying to you, “It’s all right for you to have that one-inch penis.”
It’s rude, unkind, and inaccurate!
Statistically speaking, most women are small or medium-boned; just as most men have a four-to-six inch penis (on average).
Subway riders: Do not make noises [i.e. sighing in disgust] when YOU choose to squeeze beside us fat girls on the half-inch of bench space! Your noises, hmmms and sighs will NOT make us get up, move or get skinnier. Neither will pushing your skinny ass further into seat and attempting to push our fat thighs against the metal bars of the subway! It just makes us want to sit on you, push back or find a pin and stab you with it [trust me, I’ve carried safety pins with me for just such a job, if someone pisses me off
enough]!
Buck up! You’re skinny, in better shape! You fucking stand up for the half hour ride to Manhattan! You can do it. Besides, my weight gain is based, mostly, on an injury. As the juveniles on Jerry Springer like to say, “You don’t know me!”
Really, you don’t. You can assume my fat is from Burger King or truck loads of Dr. Pepper. Well, I haven’t eaten at Burger King for a good amount of years. As for Dr. Pepper, one can every few days hardly make for 90 lbs. weight gain! Nevertheless, my broken ribs in 2003, when I couldn’t move without excruciating pain did cause a good 50 lb. weight gain over the course of that healing. The car crash where I sustained the broken ribs also caused severe pain in my spine, which, to this day, manifests itself if I stand for more than ten minutes. Pain so bad, that once it starts, I will spend up to 48 hours with no sleep, no relief, unless I take Tylenol 3 or heavier pain medications.
I do not have the insurance to afford a spine specialist. You don’t know me. So, do not assume, all my weight is from laziness. It’s from pain, injuries and lack of finances to pay for a Personal Trainer, Nutritionist or the higher quality foods at the store.
Your rude noises, comments or looks certainly won’t make me want to exercise more. I didn’t get fat in one day, nor will I get skinny or begin my workout today, either . . .just to please your judging eyes!
No, I don’t enjoy being fat and although I got here, there are factors you do not know. I gained the first of the weight from medication that saved my life. I gained 70 lbs. in one year from medication alone.
Thus, to judge me as just a glutton who ate myself into obesity is completely off-base! I took medication so I wouldn’t suffer depression and panic. Then, after losing 30 lbs. on Weight Watchers, I was in the car crash. My weight went back up.
Because my weight gain came at the age of 33-years-old; I am still unable to see myself as I am – FAT. I understand exactly what Kirstie Alley felt like in ‘Fat Actress”. I’m just not me at this weight. I cannot afford four to six hours of training a day with a professional trainer [i.e. Biggest Loser].
And my third pet peeve:
You who will say, “No, you’re not fat. You’re perfect the way you are! You are so beautiful!”
- One: Don’t believe you.
- Two: No, I am fat. You see it, you know it. Fat is fat. Don’t try to say something nice. Say nothing, that’s better.
- Three: I may be beautiful, fat or thin. But, listen, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and high blood sugar is anything but beautiful! Thus, I am not perfect the way I am. Stop trying to convince me different. It won’t work anyway. It just pisses me off more.
If you want to know what to say when and if I say “I have to lose weight.” Try these encouraging words:
- “Do you? Are you thinking of a program?”
- “How much do you want to lose?”
When and if we give you a number, the best answer is…another question, sincerely:
“Do you need to lose that much?” And then follow with the first question, “Are you thinking of a program?”
Another great answer, if you must speak: “If you need help with anything, let me know.”
And finally: Skinny people do NOT say, in front of us fat girls, “Oh God, I’m getting so fat!” or “I need to lose weight, I’m so fat!” or anything about fat!
You’re skinny, you know it! So, stop trying to compliment yourself when you’re with us.
Here’s how to remember it, for you skinny and trim girls: If the person you’re with is, or around, or over 200 lbs. or overweight, in general [based on current charts for her age/height, etc.]. DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR WEIGHT!
If you are thinner than the person you’re with: DO NOT MENTION OR TALK ABOUT WEIGHT!
It’s rude, painful and makes us fat people go out to McDonald’s for a large fries and a Quarter Pounder! Besides you’re trying to compare us to you. That’s how we see it!
You truly want to help us? Shut up until we ask you for help. Make no comments, at least, not about weight – yours or mine or other people!
Angela Theresa: Renaissance Woman 
Although I have never been seriously overweight, I can so identify with your story and advice. I’m a guy whose unaroused penis is under one inch long
[FROM BLOGGER: When I said the average penis is 4 to 6 inches, I meant aroused. Most men are significantly smaller when unaroused].
The only difference between us is that it isn’t obvious to most people I interact with. The insecurity, self doubt, frustration, and sensitivity to the comments of others is the same.
Yes, it’s nice when a woman says it’s “fine,” or “nice,” but the kindly stated truth would be better. Thank you for your post.
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As for kindly stated truth — it would seem strange that a woman you’re about to be intimate with would even see your unaroused penis.
Secondly, a woman you’re in a relationship with would have no reason to even comment honestly or dishonestly about your penis unless 1) you are trying to be intimate and you cannot become aroused; and generally, a woman who loves you would not make a comment about your penis, she would talk about what would cause you have sexual dysfunction and what is causing you to no longer be aroused. [a smart woman would suggest counseling and/or medication such as viagra] 2) you asked her what she thought of your unaroused penis.
And note, most of us women do not think about body parts like you guys do. We are more interested in who you are as person . . . a man . . . our man and how you treat us when outside the bedroom; when we have our clothes on!
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