UPDATE: Thursday, July 22nd, 2010
DISCLAIMER: This is a rant to get this off my chest and let go of anger and move to a “better feeling” and release the stress, anger and make my point. Which, when making my point, I feel better!
Why is it I attract nut cases to my life?
Yes, I do know I’m a bit crazy, too; nevertheless, I have to suffer fools (crazy people)? Really, Universe?! Why????!!!!
It was a really long day, as is any day I work … And I had a great day at work. On my third tour I had $55.00 in tips!!! I do have to split it with the driver, which is fine — still, the biggest day in a while.
After work, being rather hot and sweaty, I headed to the Village. I went to my favorite little place on 8th Street — BBQ. I had my other favorite meal, the chicken caesar wrap.
Then, off to the theatre to do volunteer hours. I was really very tired. For a few minutes I napped on the couch in the theatre.
A little later, started doing my volunteer work around the theatre and, as usual, got on facebook. One of my friends, I’ll use only initials for her, JB, has been bothering me for a few days about a theatre project.
You see, we’re having auditions for a festival at my regular theatre. Each week is a different set of plays. Actors can come to the theatre and read the plays and if they see a role they can fill, they can use our sign-up sheets to set an audition time. There’s a sign-up sheet each week for four weeks. We are in week two this week.
But, for the sake of this story, let me go back way far: I met JB when we were teenagers. Back in those days, I felt she was a snob (and she was). Although, I knew her, I never really hung out with her, except we were in a performing arts group together. After I moved away, as a young woman, I never really kept in touch with JB.
Years and years later, many, we were both in our 40s, we met again, here in New York. I didn’t find her quite as snobby as she was as a teen. In fact, she was sort of fun … a little crazy; but aren’t we all? I didn’t know the half of it, though.
In those years she had become a psychologist and sort of stepped away from the acting thing. When we met again, she was married and wanted to start doing some acting once again; and singing. She asked me to do some photos for her.
JB then signed up to act at a venue’ I was involved in. The day of this production, JB’s brother died in a tragic accident. She joined up at the next production, still grieving and on the verge of divorce. She changed into a direction that was rather wild. JB begin to party a lot, drinking and dating lots of different men. Of course, that’s fine as she is an adult. And her personality became even more wild and theatrical.
I can be a drama queen, too … theatrical. Stop laughing! My personality, like JBs, is very, very animated, most of the time. Nevertheless, even I was, often, quite taken aback by some of her actions. Many of her theatricality’s were “too much” and make many people at the theatre hesitant to spend too much time with her.
During the production she was involved in, JB started a friendship with a long-time friend of mine, whom I’ll call Joshua (pseudo name). Joshua and JB hit it off and started a friendship — just a friendship where’d they tease each other (playfully) at the theatre and had a drink or two one night after the show. Again, though, nothing serious. JB somehow assumed she and Joshua were in some sort of relationship.
At the theatre, where we all hung out and did show — JB started making very snide comments about and to JB when he didn’t agree with her definition of their friendship. She’d cry into her drinks at the bar about how Joshua cheated her, lied to her and would tell it to anyone (from the theatre) who would listen. JB told me I should end my friendship with Joshua, if I was her true friend.
Many things happened in the interim and I didn’t like anyone telling me who my friends should and shouldn’t be. But, I took JB with a grain of salt and walked on eggshells to not talk to her too much about my continuing friendship with Joshua.
I ended up moving to California for a while. Upon my return, JB did save my life and gave me a temporary place to stay with her in her apartment. While I was there, despite how much it bothered me; JB smoked all night playing on her PlayStation and her weight, which was always too high, went up. JB was working on her PhD in psychology and, at the very least, was dating one guy regularly. But, still morbidly obese and saying crazier and crazier things, about Joshua, life and always having the trait which I hated most: JB diagnosed people all the time, without permission or without knowing them well. Particularly, Joshua — still going on about how he is bipolar or passive/aggressive or whatever.
Again, I tried to just take her with a grain of salt and not tell her too much. I hate people to diagnose me or anyone else! If they are not treating me, they shouldn’t be diagnosing me!
To jump to why, as of Thursday, July 22nd, 2010, I am no longer in a friendship with J.B. Here are the incidents, in order, that finally broke the last straw.
During a production, maybe last year, JB was cast, with another actress, in a production. In fact, she was cast in two, as was I. Her 2nd production was written by Joshua. At first, JB and Joshua tried to make nice and act professionally. Then, during performance, Joshua said something to JB before the show. JB took offense to it. So, backstage, right before her first production, which was not written by Joshua — she announces “I’m only doing this one and then I’m going home!” This attitude left the other actress, in her 2nd scene, no performance that night. And the poor actress had her family and friends in the audience to see her perform. JB said, as the girl told her “You are ruining my night!” JB had the nerve to say, “Joshua insulted me and I’m sorry, but I have to do this. I don’t care.”
Fortunately, JB did the 2nd show … and the other actress was able to get on stage that evening.
JB, who cares so much for being professional, was willing to hurt another actress over her need for an apology! I said to myself, only (to myself), then and there . . . as did most of the other directors who heard about it . . . I will never cast her in anything!
A few weeks ago, I broke that promise and offered a role in my “reading”. Thus, it really wasn’t a production. So, get this, a day before the reading, when I sent the script to all the actors, JB calls me and starts with something like, “I know we’re friends. I have to get this off my chest...” She went to tell me how dare I cast her in the only ‘character’ role when I advocate that plus-size women can play any role. JB wanted me to give her the lead, which is supposed to be a 28-year-old. JB is in her 40s! And I wrote the lead role for myself and even I cannot play it now. JB went on to tell me how she injured her back and could barely walk.
I was just through with all that and simply asked her, “Do you want to do the reading or not?” She did and said she just needed to get it off her chest. I was reminded, by that call, why I don’t want to ever work with her. I knew that would be the last time I would ask her to read for me.
Also, for months now, when she calls me, I don’t pick up my phone. Let me tell you why. JB loves to call me, at all hours, and when I answer she either 1) wants to tell me, in detail, about the man she had sex with that night, 2) how someone, like her mother or a friend, did something awful to her or 3) how she is having trouble at school and if it doesn’t work out she’s going to kill herself. J.B. often goes on telling exactly how she will kill herself . . . details about what medication she will take and how her mother will have to deal with both her children being dead. JB will cry hysterically on the phone, for hours, to me about these things!
I talk her down, in the sense, saying things like “you really want to die?” And she generally says, “Yes, you don’t understand...” and it will go on until she calms down. Thus, because it is taxing being her friend, having to walk on eggshells so she won’t diagnose me . . . or listening to her sexual conquests . . . or how the world is against her . . . or how she is going to off herself . . . I just don’t pick up the phone.
Another thing she does, though, if I don’t pick up the phone . . . asks me to do things for her at the theatre. Which leads us back to why we are no longer friends.
Last week, she had me sign her up for an audition time for this newest production. Which, technically, she is supposed to do for herself and read the plays. But, instead of dealing with her rants about how she’s such a good friend to me and guilt-ing me for not doing things for her — I did it.
She didn’t even bother to show up for the audition. Also, at our theatre, technically, you don’t need an audition time. If you come in during the times they are doing auditions … they can usually fit you in. This week she asked me to sign her up underneath me. I did, for Saturday.
Then, overly theatrical as usual, four days before this weekend, she is calling and calling me (like four times) and left me like two voicemails about making sure to that I CHANGED her audition time from Saturday to Friday because of some thing she’s going through.
JB even called the theatre and tried to get someone there to change her time. They told her on the phone she “had to come in” to do it. So, she called me with her urgent requests.
Well, Thursday, when I got to the theatre to do my hours — the staff talked about it again, people need to sign themselves up. I did change her appointment to Friday and wrote her a note on facebook. The note wasn’t mean, but basically I expressed my busy life — it has been a hot long workweek and the theatre has little a/c and I’ve been dealing with back issues, etc. — so, I told JB on facebook. I did it this time, but you know, in the future, you can just come in and not always depend on me to remember, etc.
Of course, JB being very self-involved, wrote me back on facebook and said things to try to make me feel like a “bad friend” because, as she put it . . . she “did” my reading despite her severe injury and kidney infection and she was “in pain” the whole time! She went on to tell me how the girl who played the lead, not her, was terrible and wrong for the role [she wasn’t]. JB just had to push in the knife! I totally told her NOT to do the reading a few weeks ago if she was in so much pain, etc.!!!
Nothing angers me more than people who guilt you with what they did for you . . . and you OWE them your life! Especially when I said it in kind way!
Me being the theatrical drama queen that I am . . . of course, have to one-up her rants and I wrote back. I told her, and let me actually attach the conversation here:
Angela Theresa: July 22 at 7:08pm: Your audition is tomorrow at 3 pm.
You do know, with [this program]; you can just “walk in” when you’re available and they will fit you in. That is , if you cannot come yourself, during the week before to sign up.
If I didn’t get a chance or forgot, it’s not a situation where I ruin or make your chance; and really, they don’t take note and say, “She didn’t show up when she signed up! Never cast her!”
They just don’t do that at our theatre.
I am here, at the theatre, nevertheless; and can help you out tonight. That is not always the case when my job, my homework and life overwhelm me, though.
JB: July 22 at 7:20pm: Don’t want to overwhelm you- gee-I came out to do your reading when all said my health was and still is bad. I did it for friendship. By the way Tori was plus sized and her acting as community theatre. Your show should be worth more. Nor she or I would be hired as a newscaster. Cancel me you signed me up I don’t want in.
Note her need to “guilt” me and attack my choices about my play . . . trying to make me feel bad for telling her in the future I cannot do this.
Angela Theresa July 22 at 7:22pm: It’s not that . . . I had a long, long, long day in 90-degree heat, heat stroke, and am on three drugs. Everyone is overwhelming me. And I’m glad you did the reading. You were great!
I’m just complaining . . . and getting pissed off that she even attempted to attack my casting choice and guilt me!
Angela Theresa July 22 at 7:23pm: … I am at the theatre and it’s hot here, too.
Justifying . . . me attempting to win my point-of-view!
Angela Theresa July 22 at 7:24pm: I am going to go through hell tomorrow to get on medicaid . . . and may not be able to have anything done for my health. I may have arthritis in my spine, so they told me and hypothyroidism. I’m depressed because this scares me . . .that my life is over. I can’t be crippled or sick or I will want to be dead.
Angela Theresa July 22 at 7:26pm: … and I need out of my job and I am broke, my mother is broke, my roommates are making me nuts. But, I’m trying to not upset friends.
Sorry if I upset you by just saying a little bit of my issues. I go back to being my usual happy self. And keep things to myself. Sorry to burden you or make you feel bad.
Me playing the same guilt games as her . . . trying to make her feel like she made me feel with her comment.
Angela Theresa July 22 at 7:26pm: Audition. I won’t come audition. I need to focus on my health.
Please note the time between the last three messages . . . what a minute or two, right in a row. She than rang my phone like four times in a row! At this time, audience members were coming in to see the show. And, not to forget, JB knows this — there are about three staff members there with me the whole time. And she damn well know this!!!
I don’t answer her phone calls, figuring from her facebook note that she is angry with me . . .I don’t need her phone calls telling me what a terrible friend I am. So, she starts texting … of course, angry I won’t placate her and listen to her phone rants about how terrible I am. Thus, she has to raise the stakes and says this crap!
JB, July 22 @ 7:38pm: 10 minutes to tell me u wouldn’t be better off dead or I have to report this
My first thought is . . . she has got to be joking! She is just saying this to one-up me and FORCE me to call her back. I don’t want to speak to her! And I text back — Yes, I’m trying to make her feel guilty!
ME: @ 7:40pm: If I have a disease I will be better off. A disease that will put me in a wheelchair.
I figured she was just trying to scare me into calling her … she is over-dramatic. Thus, I realized she’d do something stupid.
JB, July 22 @ 7:41pm: Then I am calling 911
I caught on she was going to go to far! I’m thinking, at this point . . . I am at a crowded theatre. Is she really that stupid?! Calling the police when 1) I’m overwhelmed, so trying to get me locked up in a mental ward is going to help me? How? 2) I’m at a theatre with people and if I were really suicidal, she KNOWS someone there would be caring for me and 3) she knows DAMN WELL I am not threatening suicide.
I KNOW she was just trying to get her way and make her points on the phone . . . so she called the police to FORCE me to call her. And now to HUMILIATE me as pay back for not doing her bidding.
She lied, it certainly wasn’t TEN MINUTES.
Let me diagnose her — Narcissistic Personality Disorder (making this about her and not just being a real friend and saying … in the first fucking place “Yeah, I should do these things myself. Thank you.), she has Delusions of Grandeur by using her degree to justify embarrassing people and saying crap like “assessing” and “I have to“. When, in the 30 or 40 times she has told me she’s killing herself, I didn’t once ASSESS the crazy bitch and call 911 on her at a CROWDED THEATRE!
ME: @ 7:42pm: Am I in a wheelchair now.
To make her stop . . . and anyway, she knows I am not doing it now and the fact I am at a crowded theatre!
JB @ 7:42pm: Ok going to call now. I have to
Here we go, the bitch decides she has to look all important and be the center of attention by making it seem like I’m standing on the ledge of the Empire State Building . . . as she must’ve told some like to 911 . . .
ME: @ 7:43pm: you are nuts…I am not suicidal. I am standing and walking.
She is just angry that she didn’t win the argument so now JB has decided to pay me back and raise my blood pressure more by giving me a panic attack by threatening to have me locked up in a rubber room. Some friend!
JB @ 8:09pm I did this out of care and much more. Someone says they’d be better off dead I have to assess. I couldn’t get you on the phone so I tried giving you ten minutes. You non suicidal msg came in too late. I again did this because I care as much as I have to.
Assess, my fucking ass! There’s the answer . . . she couldn’t get me on the phone; and by the way, she knows the phone number of the theatre. She knows damn well she could call the theatre and talk to the manager and find out what I’m doing. She cares — about winning her way — that’s as much as she has too. A professional would “assess” like this — ask questions, in a calm manner. What kind of fool escalates the situation by threatening to call police. Unless I was in front of her with a gun in my mouth, she has NO RIGHT to over-react, especially as a professional, to a statement about something that hasn’t even happened yet [If I am in a wheelchair IS NOT NOW] without follow-up questions; plus if the person is in a public forum, in front of tons of much closer witnesses, who can ASSESS the situation much more easily than her — witnesses she could phone, without panicking anyone. SHE KNOWS THE PHONE NUMBER of the theatre!
About this time, before the FDNY arrived, she phoned me again. I picked up the phone and without listening to her, really and tore another hole into her insane head!!! The bitch had the nerve to say something, as she was crying (fake — and I thought I was the one who was suicidal, so why the fuck is she hysterically crying?) about “I don’t want to overwhelm you . . . more” which put me into a tirade about my high blood pressure . . .
I mean, how does acting like a hysterical bitch (her) and threatening me with committment in a mental facility (because she lost an argument) NOT overwhelm me more!!! To even imagine having my freedom taken away, my job lost (if I’m in a hospital on drugs I don’t need) due to a false accusation (?) . . . under those circumstances, yes, I would become suicidal! Locking me up, taking away my freedom is the last thing I can handle! My God . . .! And all because she cannot stand losing an argument!!!
I hung up on her raging, but trying to contain it, as there were people there. Besides, I wasn’t suicidal, I was homicidal and she’s lucky she was not there, in person . . . I would’ve liked to have beat her senseless, at the very least! If she wasn’t already senseless.
When the FDNY arrived, they didn’t even know it was a theatre!I had calmed myself almost to laughter. I wondered, they looked so confused — what kind of lie did she tell? And there were like 50 people in the lobby for a show. The FDNY officers (?) asked my name . . . I told them and that JB is the insane one and called over a facebook argument.
They asked to see her . . . When I told them she called from her place, a few miles from here, they were not happy. My intuition tells me she must’ve told them she was with me. Which is a LIE! I told the FDNY about all her threats to die in the past and that they should go see if she needs a mental institution. I know she does.
Anyway, they left. But, how embarrassing to the audience, the management and my fellow actors. The fact that I know her has caused others to avoid me at the threatre, too. JB better think twice about returning to this theatre . . .because her antics tonight was heard by the management and those casting the festival. I just hope the festival people doesn’t let this reflect their thoughts about me. .
Reminds me of another crazy person I once knew.
A friendship is over.
I am a loving person, nevertheless, I do not allow people to abuse me in any way. And to use the guise of “caring” as a reason to humiliate, embarrass and ruin my reputation is not being caring. It’s being manipulative and insane.
A real friend would know better.
And really, I don’t have a degree in psychology. But, if someone really was suicidal, and you believed them to be this . . .would you THREATEN them with text like “if you don’t call in 10 minutes I’m having you committed!!!” My God, scare a suicidal person into doing it before the police arrive. It’s like running toward a person on the edge of a bridge and screaming, scaring them “Don’t jump!”
Wouldn’t you treat a potentially suicidal person with kindness and not escalating the situation with scare tactics?! Wouldn’t you text or say, “Honey, are you all right? Do you really want to die? Are you so overwhelmed you will do something?“
I would think you would do that FIRST before texting THREATS of police or men in white coats. Because really, her threats did exactly the opposite. I wanted to 1) run away and hide for hours, 2) beat the shit out of her (yes, I’m violent when angry — I mean, I won’t do it and don’t take that seriously!) or 3) tell her off and call 911 on her for her dangerous threats of suicide and her very dangerous weight (she is morbidly obese) and personality traits that probably require medication.
I am working on moving from anger to pity. I will not speak to her again, nevertheless. I decided to keep insane people out of my life. They do suck my energy or give me high blood pressure and re-ignite my panic disorder with these kind of situations.
I need calm, cool and kindness when I’m overwhelmed. I am also over-dramatic; she’s known this since I was a teenager and knew better than to take any statements I made on facebook or anywhere seriously; especially about things such as suicide or murder.
To be honest, when it comes to suicide, besides the fact I’m a coward and would never do it. I wouldn’t tell anyone, anywhere. If I ever found myself quadriplegic, which I would rather be dead than that (and God bless those who live with that, they are brave souls) — I would probably just starve myself to death or will myself to the Other Side. Which means, suicide by any other means than the slow suicide of anorexia is not in my MO. My real friends know that, too.
This is my way to let out anger . . . to get it to a “better feeling”, which I hope is soon. I need to feel pity for JB. But, this is fresh and I’m still pretty pissed that anyone would go so far as to damage my health, my reputation and my career, on purpose, like this just to try to win an argument.
Although, I will never really speak with her again. JB owes me an apology and a true admission that she DID THE WRONG THING and was purely selfish, wrong and just plain stupid to do it.
By the way, early that morning, she wrote me an email . . . I had someone else read it, because when I’m through, I’m through . . . and as part of mental illness, she tried to justify her motives as caring (liar) and ended with “I love you…”. Nevertheless, that’s a lie, too. If she truly loved me, as a friend, and cared, she would have NEVER, as I stated over and over — tried to have me put away, embarrass me or humiliate me with bull crap about a stupid statement I made and people make all the time, and her more than me!!! I never embarrassed her or called people on her for her detailed threats of suicide and punishing her mother!
Yeah, still angry . . .okay, maybe it’s all out now.