Day Fifty-Five (55): Saturday, April 24th, 2010
55) Replace Negative Self-Talk
The twelve-step programs that are often key to the recovery of substance abusers advocate that people must take responsibility for their actions but they can find help anytime by trusting in a higher power. Those who suffer addiction must learn to let go of negative self-talk as it defeats the good they are trying to manifest in their lives. Self-talk is the perpetual driver of behavior. It tells half-truths and untruths. Replacing negative self-talk with the statement reworded into a positive affirmation can literally change a life.
Although, I do not recall the events of this day now (some weeks later): It is my ex-boyfriend, now friends’ birthday. Fredy Adolfo Gonzelez De Leon turns 47-years-old today. His story, which I’m working on in a play version [for a Father’s Day theatre piece called TESTOGENIUS in NYC] is moving. The story of him and I, in brief:
We met a couple of times in 2000. We met via a girl I met on the streets of Burbank, California. A woman named Lisa who loved Madonna and karaoke (she is hard-of-hearing — HOH). She had a roommate in her trailer in 2000; a deaf man named Fredy.
Lisa Madonna’s boyfriend was getting out of jail soon and she needed Fredy to leave. So, I was living in a motel in Burbank at the time and was seeking a roommate (only). We discussed it a little bit.
One afternoon, about three month after meeting Fredy a couple of times . . . Lisa, Fredy and I met and walked aroung Burbank. It was apparent there was some attraction between Fredy and I. That night, a bunch of us, including Lisa, Fredy and some of my hearing friends went out to karaoke.
Fredy was sitting there, the only deaf person, nursing a beer and very, very bored. I remembered how to sign all the dirty words and began signing them to him. He was intriqued and smiled at me a lot. . . wrote me some nice notes on a napkin, including “I love you“. I laughed it off, but it was apparent we were both attracted. We kept holding hands in the car.
The next day, September 2000, Fredy and I met up, alone, to see about an apartment (two bedrooms) and one thing lead to another. The day after that, since Fredy needed to move and was collecting worker’s comp; I invited my new lover to move into the motel with me until we could find a place. He did!
We stayed together for the next six years and went through a lot in California, moved to Pennsylvania and now, ten years later . . . we are friends.
I do recall calling him today on VP (videophone) and wishing him a happy day . . . or he may have called me first. I wanted to bring him here, to New York, to visit; but didn’t get the money together in time.
Currently, he lives in Lancaster, Pennsylvania and lost his job months ago; he resides in a homeless mission in Lancaster, PA. He has no ID, it was stolen when he lived in a tent . . . I wish I were richer and could help him more. At this point, that is not possible; at least, not at the level he needs help.
My roommates will not let him move in here . . . as he’d be willing to work hard, off the books, anywhere.
Again, a long story for another time. I promised to bring him here in a week or two, for a visit.
Love, Light & Laughter,